As I write this post, my wife Elie and I are just three weeks away from the birth of our fifth child and our fourth son. And no matter how many times I go through it, it?s still a mix of excitement, worry and other emotions. I?m an emotional guy to begin with so anytime my wife and I bring another child into this world, I look back and think a lot about the future.
And to my new son ? who we think we?re going to name Luke ? I have some thoughts, admissions and hopes that I?d like to share. I?ve been a father now for 14 years and I still have a bunch of nerves and unease with being responsible in so many ways for another human being. I believe we?ve done a good job with our other four children, but I always hope to be better.
As baby number five gets ready to join us, I can?t help but hope I can be a better father than I?ve been to our other four kids. It?s not that I don?t think I?ve been a good Dad ? I know I have been. Yet, with each child I would hope my experiences with the others would help me be better. After all, that?s a lot of practice.
With Luke, I hope I can have more patience. For those of you who don?t have more than one or two children, the moment you get outnumbered, the stress level increases. Raising any number of kids tries your patience. But having multiples (3 or more) definitely has its unique challenges and one is retaining your composer when they?re screaming, yelling or otherwise pushing your buttons.
With all of the life changes (two new jobs, new city, new home, son diagnosed with Celiac Disease) over the past 18 months, I haven?t been the father I?d like to be. I?ve had a short fuse and have been so focused on providing for the family, I?ve failed to do my best to take the time to really have deep and meaningful conversations and spend the time with them that I want to. That?s my choice and no matter what the pressures to succeed or the pressures to provide, the time I need to do that is something I will no longer negotiate. I would have done that anyway, but with Luke?s arrival, it?s a great time to start.
As my good friend and EOT co-founder David Binkowski said in his post a few days ago, it?s never too late to be a good father. He recently went out on his own for that very reason. His post was dead-on and while our paths are different, I vow to do what he recommends.
One thing I?ve always wanted to do in order to be a better father is to continue my education in various ways. I did not grow up with a father who built things, fixed things or took their kids hunting or fishing. He did other wonderful things but those were not his strongsuit. They are things I believe boys should learn from their Dad so I am vowing to learn this year to do some of those things to help Luke and my other four sons grow up with those skills passed on from their Dad.
With the economy where it is, and people really struggling to find balance, more and more they?re realizing the most important thing is at home. They?re investing more time in their spouses ? not their car or wardrobe. They?re spending more time with their kids and slowing down to enjoy the most important part of life. That?s how it should be as we (hopefully) shed our consumption economy and invest more time in our families.
Although I am using the imminent arrival of our little Luke to get me back on my game, that doesn?t mean it?s the only reason. The matter of the fact is my wife and my kids mean everything to me. I?d gladly give up my career and all of my world possessions to make their lives rich and happy.
Because I know if they?re happy, I?ll be happy.
I can?t wait to meet Luke. And I can?t wait to be the new improved father I know I can be ? for all of my kids.
Source: http://www.everyotherthursday.com/2011/08/fatherhood-for-the-5th-time/
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